thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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