i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
