She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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