I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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