We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
