The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
