why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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