Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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