in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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