This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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