We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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