So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
