haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
this hospital has no fireball
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
try to milk me bitch
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize