I want to make a zoo with you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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