How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
