I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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