I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
