I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
