I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
