Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
