This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
