I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
