i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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