Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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