her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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