Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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