OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
