Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
