i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
