apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize