gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
