if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
