I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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