He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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