You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
