So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
