I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think my mom watched the whole time
4 words: hood of his car
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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