Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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