butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
