My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
