ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
