my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
