he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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