Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
