Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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