I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
