You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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