It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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