well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
