Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
