Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
