I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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