i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize