dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
