As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
