he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
