yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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