i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize