you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
