I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
