Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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