I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
