dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
