Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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