i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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