lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
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