So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
