Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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