So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
